Thanks to my bestie Melissa for planning her wedding next month in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico. I'm making my travel arrangements. Mine. My own. I'm going solo. It is so insanely exciting.
My last (and only) solo international flight was in 2002 when I flew home from Australia knocked up. I didn't yet appreciate what a treat it is to make that kind of flight by oneself. Since then I have made 9 round trip overseas flights, all of them with at least one child. One trip to America I even did as a solo parent with three kids, aged 6, 3 and 17 months. Whoever is handing out the awards for superhuman accomplishments missed me on that one.
So the prospect of going to Mexico without children feels so... free. Adult. Independent. I only feel a teeny tiny bit guilty because I'll only be gone for a few days. It will be my first time away from Eli, but I have done the separation thing before; when I came home to help my mom through her chemo, I spent a month away from Nate and Maya - she was only two months older than Eli will be - so three nights doesn't seem like quite such a big deal.
I only just looked at the map this morning to see where Playa Del Carmen is exactly. I had no idea. Depending on who you ask, it is a 40-60 minute drive from Cancún. The closest capital city is Havana, and it is only about 200 miles away from the Belize border. Three hours away is Chichén-Itzá, the spectacular Mayan ruins. I kind of feel like - how can I just go for a few days when there is so much to be explored? I'm thinking I'll have to get to Chichén-Itzá, even if it means spending an extra day. How could I not? I mean, it'll just be me. One backpack, one bottle of water. Nobody else's capacity for hiking or sightseeing longevity to take into consideration.
No checked baggage. No carseats. No games and toys and children's books. No complaining. No boredom. Ahhh, I could get used to that kind of traveling.
03 September 2010
Fragile
I had a good run there as a parent. Today I'm struggling though. I just had a tearful "can't we all just get along" breakdown. I'm out-energized today. I feel a severe lack of serenity. I'm surrounded by toys and things and yells and screams and bickering and laughter and energy and I want to be in a dark, quiet hole. All morning I have found myself putting things away, vacuuming, making beds, doing dishes, getting things in order, hoping that the order will penetrate through to my mind. I wonder why sometimes my family and the love that lives in this house is enough for me, and sometimes I feel so lonely, like none of it can find a way through, it can't penetrate this bubble.
And I *know* that my music choices aren't helping. I wonder why I do this to myself. I was the 10 year old kid who made myself depressing mix tapes so that when I was feeling down I could keep myself there, really wallow in it. I like to think that I'm not a particularly dramatic person (outwardly at least) but that is certainly dramatic behavior. Maybe I am supposed to be living in a time full of drama, and since I don't I find myself making my own personal drama. I try to keep it to myself, but I gave my kids a heaping portion this morning.
I am so lucky, though, that my kids get me. They love me anyway. I have created my own peaceful space downstairs this morning, and they are upstairs for the time being. Nate just came down to give me a hug and then went back up. If we were still in that motorhome, I would have had to go walkabout today, but we're in a house with spaces for people to be alone when they need to. I like that.
Okay. Emotions processed. Feeling better. Calmer.
I just read back the first line of this blog post and had to have a bit of a laugh at myself. Dramatic much?
And I *know* that my music choices aren't helping. I wonder why I do this to myself. I was the 10 year old kid who made myself depressing mix tapes so that when I was feeling down I could keep myself there, really wallow in it. I like to think that I'm not a particularly dramatic person (outwardly at least) but that is certainly dramatic behavior. Maybe I am supposed to be living in a time full of drama, and since I don't I find myself making my own personal drama. I try to keep it to myself, but I gave my kids a heaping portion this morning.
I am so lucky, though, that my kids get me. They love me anyway. I have created my own peaceful space downstairs this morning, and they are upstairs for the time being. Nate just came down to give me a hug and then went back up. If we were still in that motorhome, I would have had to go walkabout today, but we're in a house with spaces for people to be alone when they need to. I like that.
Okay. Emotions processed. Feeling better. Calmer.
I just read back the first line of this blog post and had to have a bit of a laugh at myself. Dramatic much?
02 September 2010
Writing
I was on a roll there. Now it's gone.
It's funny, I've never been much of a writer. Well that's not true. I've always been a prolific writer, but a very self-critical one. This is why none of my journals from before I moved to Australia still exist - I found them, read them and was so mortified by the complete rubbish they contained that I had to destroy them. Bummer. I'm sure I'd find them all really interesting now.
In high school English classes, I found the writing really hard because I was such a perfectionist. Each reading, I would make multiple insignificant changes and feel such relief, like thank goodness I didn't turn it in in that state, that would have been so embarrassing. Then I'd read through "one last time" and find more changes, and more, and more, and never really got to a point where I felt completely satisfied with my work. And then I'd get an A+ and wonder if I was too pedantic or if my teacher wasn't paying close enough attention.
I'm not sure what changed really. I never would have been able to write a blog back then. I spent a lot of Nate's early years on parenting forums, and in the beginning it would take me a ridiculously long time to write a simple post. I would read and re-read and wonder, does this make me sound smug? permissive? strict? hypocritical? judgmental? Regardless of my efforts, I have still been misunderstood so many times. Maybe I have learned that all of the proof-reading doesn't really help me avoid being seen the way I'm going to be seen. People see what they want to see, or what they need to see to keep their stories flowing.
Really, it's a whole lot easier to just write and not give a fuck what people are going to think. I need to write. I can see me in the future (because there are less distractions in the future), sitting in front of this computer, processing every thought that goes through my head. I feel like the more I write, the more material I have. I swear, people, there's so much atrophied brain in here. Parenting does wonders for the heart and for the soul, but it somehow manages to suck away my intelligence. Definitely my memory has suffered. And my focus. But every time I write, my brain wakes up a little bit.
To writing.
It's funny, I've never been much of a writer. Well that's not true. I've always been a prolific writer, but a very self-critical one. This is why none of my journals from before I moved to Australia still exist - I found them, read them and was so mortified by the complete rubbish they contained that I had to destroy them. Bummer. I'm sure I'd find them all really interesting now.
In high school English classes, I found the writing really hard because I was such a perfectionist. Each reading, I would make multiple insignificant changes and feel such relief, like thank goodness I didn't turn it in in that state, that would have been so embarrassing. Then I'd read through "one last time" and find more changes, and more, and more, and never really got to a point where I felt completely satisfied with my work. And then I'd get an A+ and wonder if I was too pedantic or if my teacher wasn't paying close enough attention.
I'm not sure what changed really. I never would have been able to write a blog back then. I spent a lot of Nate's early years on parenting forums, and in the beginning it would take me a ridiculously long time to write a simple post. I would read and re-read and wonder, does this make me sound smug? permissive? strict? hypocritical? judgmental? Regardless of my efforts, I have still been misunderstood so many times. Maybe I have learned that all of the proof-reading doesn't really help me avoid being seen the way I'm going to be seen. People see what they want to see, or what they need to see to keep their stories flowing.
Really, it's a whole lot easier to just write and not give a fuck what people are going to think. I need to write. I can see me in the future (because there are less distractions in the future), sitting in front of this computer, processing every thought that goes through my head. I feel like the more I write, the more material I have. I swear, people, there's so much atrophied brain in here. Parenting does wonders for the heart and for the soul, but it somehow manages to suck away my intelligence. Definitely my memory has suffered. And my focus. But every time I write, my brain wakes up a little bit.
To writing.
30 August 2010
Ode to the Public Library
I have read lots of bits and blurbs by John Holt, John Taylor Gatto, and loads of other unschooly-types, but I have never actually read an unschooling book in its entirety. So I thought I'd give it a shot.
Lo and behold, our library system is even more impressive than I could have imagined. Not only was every John Holt book that I searched for available (along with Gatto and The Teenage Liberation Handbook), I was able to request them for free (the libraries in Australia charged for the priviledge) and I received them within a couple of days. And I did it all online. AND they sent me emails to tell me when they were in!
There's more. Nate has discovered Calvin and Hobbes comics (which are so funny and intelligent and so perfectly illustrate why homeschooling is completely awesome, or would be for poor Calvin - I want to adopt him by the way), and he loves them. Today I was reading some to him, and he said to me, "Can I read this one?" And then he read it out loud to me. Wow.
True story: as I was writing that last paragraph, Nate came into the room saying, "Can you believe we finished all of those Calvin and Hobbes books?" So we reserved 6 more online. Just now. I LOVE the library.
Another tidbit of library awesomeness: the librarians are so awesomely helpful. I stopped in today to grab a few books about the brain and dreams and the subconscious for Nate (this is his newest interest - Why on Earth do we dream? Why does the brain do that? Is it like brain exercise? Or does it all mean something?). I didn't know quite what to search for. Turns out Dewey placed dreams and brains in the same part of the system and they were neighbors. Makes complete sense. Unfortunately, all of the books in the junior section were very elementary and anatomically based, and the ones in the adult non-fiction were more about dream analysis or brain training. He needs something written by a nerdy neurologist. You know, the guy who is so fascinated by the brain that he can't sleep at night wondering how it works. I'll have to do some online searching to find just the right thing. Until then we'll look at cross-sections I guess, which is pretty interesting too.
I'm after unschooling book recommendations! Please comment and let me know your favorites. Don't leave me hanging. I might even do some reviews here!
Lo and behold, our library system is even more impressive than I could have imagined. Not only was every John Holt book that I searched for available (along with Gatto and The Teenage Liberation Handbook), I was able to request them for free (the libraries in Australia charged for the priviledge) and I received them within a couple of days. And I did it all online. AND they sent me emails to tell me when they were in!
There's more. Nate has discovered Calvin and Hobbes comics (which are so funny and intelligent and so perfectly illustrate why homeschooling is completely awesome, or would be for poor Calvin - I want to adopt him by the way), and he loves them. Today I was reading some to him, and he said to me, "Can I read this one?" And then he read it out loud to me. Wow.
True story: as I was writing that last paragraph, Nate came into the room saying, "Can you believe we finished all of those Calvin and Hobbes books?" So we reserved 6 more online. Just now. I LOVE the library.
Another tidbit of library awesomeness: the librarians are so awesomely helpful. I stopped in today to grab a few books about the brain and dreams and the subconscious for Nate (this is his newest interest - Why on Earth do we dream? Why does the brain do that? Is it like brain exercise? Or does it all mean something?). I didn't know quite what to search for. Turns out Dewey placed dreams and brains in the same part of the system and they were neighbors. Makes complete sense. Unfortunately, all of the books in the junior section were very elementary and anatomically based, and the ones in the adult non-fiction were more about dream analysis or brain training. He needs something written by a nerdy neurologist. You know, the guy who is so fascinated by the brain that he can't sleep at night wondering how it works. I'll have to do some online searching to find just the right thing. Until then we'll look at cross-sections I guess, which is pretty interesting too.
I'm after unschooling book recommendations! Please comment and let me know your favorites. Don't leave me hanging. I might even do some reviews here!
26 August 2010
Up
I wanted to write this post earlier today but I'm only just getting to it. And now I am decidedly sleepy and fairly grumpy. So it feels a bit hypocritical. But I'm not gonna let that stop me!! Maybe writing it can get me back into that place I was at earlier today. We'll see. Here goes.
Why all the hatin'? Why all the negativity? It seems like the vast majority of people I am aquainted with spend a huge amount of time complaining about their job and their spouse and their kids and their fat arse and office gossip and the stinky smell of mass transit and their lack of and their over-abundance of and and and, ad infinitum.
So you don't like it? Change it. Really. It IS that easy.
Here's what you have going for you (most likely, if you are reading this):
- Unlike 80% of the world's population, you have a solid roof over your head that you can count on to be there, every night.
- You are part of the 33% of people who can read and write. That is a big effing deal.
- You are in the lucky not-quite-half of people that aren't suffering from malnutrition or even starvation. Your food issues are, at worst, that you are overfeeding yourself. You'll live.
- One third of the people that share this planet with you don't have access to a safe water supply.
Can we have a bit of perspective, people? A bit of optimism maybe? A bit of acknowledgment of how blessed we are? Life really isn't that bad.
And if it is, if it really is terrible, change it. If quitting your soul-sucking job means you'll have to sell your house, then love the crap out of your mom's guest bedroom or your friend's couch while you start earning money doing something that actually *fulfills* you. It isn't work if you're doing what you love, and if you're doing what you're supposed to be doing then the money will follow. Ask any of those Law of Attraction gurus.
Afraid of change? I hear you. Maybe don't make any huge changes then. Maybe just work on your own paradigm. Maaaayyyybe just take a teeny tiny bit of responsibility for where you are in your life. Perhaps choose to focus on the good stuff. It really is that easy. Watch. "I just read The Red Tent (again) and the men in those days had multiple wives and they all slept in tents and got water from the well and the women were subservient and there were slaves and when they wanted to eat they had to make everything from scratch so when there was a famine they went hungry. Yikes. What an incredible life I have, sitting here on my red couch, blogging, drinking wine (that I didn't have to make myself), my three beautiful healthy children sound asleep upstairs. I'm safe and warm. I'm loved. I have an extra few pounds to get me through that next famine, hehe. Life Is Good."
This isn't how I envisioned this post at all. I was going to write about all of the qualities I admire, hoping to attract them my way: optimism, passion, compassion, joy, energy, earnestness (my favorite, I wish everyone was just plain earnest all the time), honesty, connection, humor, love, sincerity, drive. I wish that people were more connected to each other, more honest, more willing to share their feelings without awkwardness, without letting their fear of rejection get in the way. Without fear of judgment.
On a side note, I think judgment should have another "e" in it, judgement. The "dgm" combination is just so, I don't know, in your face.
Focus... flagging. Must... go to bed.
That's all. I'm out.
Why all the hatin'? Why all the negativity? It seems like the vast majority of people I am aquainted with spend a huge amount of time complaining about their job and their spouse and their kids and their fat arse and office gossip and the stinky smell of mass transit and their lack of and their over-abundance of and and and, ad infinitum.
So you don't like it? Change it. Really. It IS that easy.
Here's what you have going for you (most likely, if you are reading this):
- Unlike 80% of the world's population, you have a solid roof over your head that you can count on to be there, every night.
- You are part of the 33% of people who can read and write. That is a big effing deal.
- You are in the lucky not-quite-half of people that aren't suffering from malnutrition or even starvation. Your food issues are, at worst, that you are overfeeding yourself. You'll live.
- One third of the people that share this planet with you don't have access to a safe water supply.
Can we have a bit of perspective, people? A bit of optimism maybe? A bit of acknowledgment of how blessed we are? Life really isn't that bad.
And if it is, if it really is terrible, change it. If quitting your soul-sucking job means you'll have to sell your house, then love the crap out of your mom's guest bedroom or your friend's couch while you start earning money doing something that actually *fulfills* you. It isn't work if you're doing what you love, and if you're doing what you're supposed to be doing then the money will follow. Ask any of those Law of Attraction gurus.
Afraid of change? I hear you. Maybe don't make any huge changes then. Maybe just work on your own paradigm. Maaaayyyybe just take a teeny tiny bit of responsibility for where you are in your life. Perhaps choose to focus on the good stuff. It really is that easy. Watch. "I just read The Red Tent (again) and the men in those days had multiple wives and they all slept in tents and got water from the well and the women were subservient and there were slaves and when they wanted to eat they had to make everything from scratch so when there was a famine they went hungry. Yikes. What an incredible life I have, sitting here on my red couch, blogging, drinking wine (that I didn't have to make myself), my three beautiful healthy children sound asleep upstairs. I'm safe and warm. I'm loved. I have an extra few pounds to get me through that next famine, hehe. Life Is Good."
This isn't how I envisioned this post at all. I was going to write about all of the qualities I admire, hoping to attract them my way: optimism, passion, compassion, joy, energy, earnestness (my favorite, I wish everyone was just plain earnest all the time), honesty, connection, humor, love, sincerity, drive. I wish that people were more connected to each other, more honest, more willing to share their feelings without awkwardness, without letting their fear of rejection get in the way. Without fear of judgment.
On a side note, I think judgment should have another "e" in it, judgement. The "dgm" combination is just so, I don't know, in your face.
Focus... flagging. Must... go to bed.
That's all. I'm out.
25 August 2010
Lyrics
The other day, Maya and I were sitting on the couch, listening to some music. A song came on that she likes, and she said, "Listen to this one." So I listened. And she said, "Listen to the words."
It reminded me of all of the times I have tried to share an awesome song with somebody who listened absentmindedly for a few seconds to a few bars and said, "Oh, that's nice." She wanted me to really hear the song.
I love that she really listens. We have that in common.
It reminded me of all of the times I have tried to share an awesome song with somebody who listened absentmindedly for a few seconds to a few bars and said, "Oh, that's nice." She wanted me to really hear the song.
I love that she really listens. We have that in common.
Planetarium
Yesterday Nate and I used our new OMSI membership for the first time to take in a couple of shows at the planetarium. We were joined by our space nerd friend who wowed Nate with some of the spacey apps on his iPhone as we waited for the first show to start.
There was hardly anyone there, so we were able to pick out the best seats (as advised by the doorman) under the domed ceiling.
First up:
"Learn about the interesting stories of the constellations and others in this live presentation in OMSI's Kendall Planetarium. It is not just stars everyone can see in the night sky—planets, constellations, zodiac, shooting stars and satellites are all there if you know when and where to look. Navigate by the stars and discover how you can become a backyard astronomer."
It was awesome. Our current local night sky was illuminated above us. The presenter used a laser pointer and zoom to point out different features of the night sky - planets, constellations (with a graphic overlay to show how an abstract grouping of stars can become, for example, a swan), stars of all different sizes and ages. She briefly explained how Polaris is used in navigation which I found interesting - how many thousands of people have looked upon and relied on that star to find their ways across oceans and unfamiliar lands? - the thought of which brings me to cartography which I have always found so fascinating considering the historical absence of the tools we rely on today. She told a few constellation stories and showed how a lot of the characters from the same stories are in the same area of the sky which proves those ancient Greeks spent a lot of time looking up towards their gods.
We liked the first show so much that we decided to stay on for the next one, Journey to the Stars. Here is the trailer:
This one was great as well. The graphics had me a bit motion sick at times which was kind of awesome. Nate let out a few audible "whoa"s as we zoomed through the universe towards interesting stars and nebulae and clusters and galaxies. The narrator (Whoopi Goldberg) talked about the life cycle of our own sun and at that point I was really grateful to have not brought Maya - it stresses her out to consider the sun engulfing the Earth, and she isn't comforted by the assurance that we'll all be long gone by then.
There is currently an Einstein exhibit going on at OMSI, so I can see us returning in the very near future.
There was hardly anyone there, so we were able to pick out the best seats (as advised by the doorman) under the domed ceiling.
First up:
"Learn about the interesting stories of the constellations and others in this live presentation in OMSI's Kendall Planetarium. It is not just stars everyone can see in the night sky—planets, constellations, zodiac, shooting stars and satellites are all there if you know when and where to look. Navigate by the stars and discover how you can become a backyard astronomer."
It was awesome. Our current local night sky was illuminated above us. The presenter used a laser pointer and zoom to point out different features of the night sky - planets, constellations (with a graphic overlay to show how an abstract grouping of stars can become, for example, a swan), stars of all different sizes and ages. She briefly explained how Polaris is used in navigation which I found interesting - how many thousands of people have looked upon and relied on that star to find their ways across oceans and unfamiliar lands? - the thought of which brings me to cartography which I have always found so fascinating considering the historical absence of the tools we rely on today. She told a few constellation stories and showed how a lot of the characters from the same stories are in the same area of the sky which proves those ancient Greeks spent a lot of time looking up towards their gods.
We liked the first show so much that we decided to stay on for the next one, Journey to the Stars. Here is the trailer:
This one was great as well. The graphics had me a bit motion sick at times which was kind of awesome. Nate let out a few audible "whoa"s as we zoomed through the universe towards interesting stars and nebulae and clusters and galaxies. The narrator (Whoopi Goldberg) talked about the life cycle of our own sun and at that point I was really grateful to have not brought Maya - it stresses her out to consider the sun engulfing the Earth, and she isn't comforted by the assurance that we'll all be long gone by then.
There is currently an Einstein exhibit going on at OMSI, so I can see us returning in the very near future.
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